By Rori Raye
Have you ever done something “innocent” with a man – thinking it would bring him close – but then he completely pulled away from you?
I don’t mean sleeping with him. Just the opposite.
I mean, for instance, that you let a man spend the night on your couch because it got late after your date – or it was raining or snowing hard – and you felt bad about sending him home. Or maybe he even slept in the same bed with you, but nothing “happened.”
In your head, this made “sense.” You wouldn’t kick your girlfriend out late at night, and in bad weather, especially if she lived far away.
You reasoned that telling your date to go home was rude, especially if he bought you dinner and treated you well.
After all, you really liked this guy. He seemed different – as if you could really trust him. And he really seemed to appreciate all that you are. He also seemed to respect the fact that you didn’t want to sleep with him yet.
But then the next morning, the vibe completely changed. He was awkward, and it felt like the two of you were strangers.
Dating a man can be so frustrating. Even infuriating.
You do something that feels “right” to you, and then suddenly he gets all weird and distant.
How could it be that letting a man spend the night – without getting intimate – could possibly push him away? Shouldn’t he be MORE interested in you now? After all, you gave him a “sneak peek” of what it would be like to be a couple, but you didn’t go THERE.
Or was it that he got turned off because you didn’t sleep with him? Did you make a mistake?
The reality is that by allowing him to spend the night so quickly, you created a sense of familiarity that destroyed the MYSTERY that is so compelling to a man.
You see, men fall in love with you through a tantalizing combination of thrill and safety. THRILL is what drives men to chase you. THRILL is what you create when you hover just a little beyond their reach.
SAFETY happens when you feel so comfortable expressing your emotions, that a man naturally feels SAFE to express his.
When you combine THRILL and SAFETY, you get MYSTERY. And this is when you get LOVE.
At first glance, letting a new man spend the night but not sleep with you SEEMS like you’re creating thrill and safety.
You think that by not getting intimate with him, you’re staying just beyond his reach so he will want you more. And you think that by having long conversations with him without removing your clothes, you’re creating safety.
WRONG! This is how women think, not how men think.
When you let a new man spend the night without getting intimate, you send a completely different message:
As if these are not bad enough, he thinks he doesn’t have to really DO anything to have a relationship with you!
In short, he no longer has to chase you. You did his job for him.
We women have been trained to think that if we sit back and let a man take the lead, he won’t!
So we end up doing all sorts of things that amount to chasing. Even though you may not be hunting a man down, asking him out, or throwing yourself at him, see if you might be chasing him in these subtle ways:
You might cringe when you read these examples, and you may be downright mad. You’re a modern woman. You’re a good person. Why wouldn’t you be friendly and nice to a man just as you do with all your friends?
Because he’s NOT your friend!
I’m guessing you don’t sleep with your friends, you’re not romantic with them, and you don’t have children with them.
When we pretend a man is like any other friend, we wind up with men who are not romantic with us.
Yes, you’re a modern woman. So am I. Being a modern woman works in your career, in your investments, in your friendships, and in your day-to-day life.
But creating the romantic relationship you want requires an added element: Being a Modern Siren.
A Modern Siren is a modern woman who naturally compels men to do their job in a relationship – a job they naturally want to do, if we let them!
A Modern Siren has no need to chase a man – overtly or in subtle ways – because he is ALWAYS coming toward her.
A Modern Siren can stay focused on her life and on her needs without worrying she’s going to push a man away.
My free love advice newsletter will teach you – in baby steps – how to do it all. You’ll discover your innate ability to create thrill, safety, and MYSTERY in a man so that his adoration for you only deepens.
I will teach how small but powerful shifts in your words and body language can make a man do a complete turn-around so that he gives you his attention and does what he needs to do to carry the relationship forward.
And you will learn how to use your most powerful weapon – YOUR FEELINGS – to draw him in and keep him close – even if you take your time sleeping with him.