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Stop Comparing Men and Feeling Hung Up on Your Ex |
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If you're finding yourself glued to your
man, and trying to force yourself to stop feeling
NEEDY and almost DESPERATE for his love, I know
how hard that can be. It feels like you can't help yourself. You almost don't know what to DO instead of thinking about him all the time or trying to find out what's going on with the relationship. I know my Reconnect Your Relationship CDs will help you with this - they'll give you the Tools to stop the words and body language that LOOK as if you're needy, and that will AUTOMATICALLY make you feel STRONGER inside - and actually LESS needy as far as HE'S concerned. This is the way you'll bring him closer, by getting stronger and more focused on your inside, and then speaking to him and listening to him in new ways on the outside. Have you ever found yourself - or perhaps it's happening to you right now - with ONE MAN so powerfully stuck in your brain and your heart that you can't let go? Even if it's been 20 years since you last saw the man who got your heart fluttering faster and louder than any man has since, it can feel like yesterday. It can feel SO REAL that no other man can measure up. Even if we KNOW things weren't really all that great with him, it's as though we can only remember the incredible chemistry and how wonderful we felt. Even if the truth is it only felt great for a short time before it all went downhill. It's so totally unfair. It feels like we'll never meet another man who can end the bond we feel in our heart for this one man. Sometimes, the truth is we don't even WANT to. Sometimes it feels like a fight with ourselves. And it's exhausting, and it feels like we can never win. Here's a letter from Brianna, whose heart and mind are still locked into a man she (sensibly) sent away: Hi Rori, I have a question - I recently broke up with a guy I had been seeing for 3 years because he slept with someone else. I told him to never contact me again. The trouble is I keep comparing the new guys I meet to him, and how he made me feel early in our relationship, (but the last part of our relationship he made me feel bad) and the new guys just don't measure up. I know this is illogical and crazy. What can I do? Brianna ***If Brianna's situation seems horribly familiar, know that "carrying a torch" for someone is the classic heartbreak story. It's way worse sometimes even than the breaking up - the Not Being Able To Let Go. It makes so many of us feel crazy. Especially when we're trying to let go of a man and a "relationship" so we can "move on." The thing is - we ALWAYS compare men. Even 20 years later we think back on old boyfriends. (Mine even still show up in my DREAMS!) It feels weird, like being HAUNTED by a man. But it doesn't have to be an AWFUL feeling, and it doesn't have to hold you back from getting the love you want NOW. I remember being on coffee dates with men who were perfectly fine looking and smart and interesting, and me practically not even SEEING them because the only man's face I could think about was the one I "didn't have." The one I thought I "missed." I remember spending the evening comparing the man in front of me with the man in my memory - and of course the REAL man could never win. The most awful thing about it was that I found myself doing it over and over again sometimes almost out of HABIT. As if the process of "missing" and "grieving" my lost relationship had a life of it's own. It was running me - making it impossible for me to attract a man I could be truly interested in by monopolizing my brain. I was either thinking about being "hung up" on that man, or FIGHTING thinking about that man so much of the time that it didn't leave room for any other man to catch my attention. I even found myself attracted over and over again to OBVIOUSLY unavailable or uninterested or player-type men. (This is embarrassing to tell you, but I want you to KNOW how I was able to pull myself out of this and get a GREAT relationship, so that you can, too.) Looking back, I can see the pattern of how I was so deeply attracted to heartbreak. I know, now, that I was attracted to men who could never do the job of a "relationship" not because there was something "wrong" or "unattractive" about me - but because I was AFRAID. I know now that there were plenty of great men around. And plenty of those great men WANTED me. But I couldn't SEE them. It was as though they didn't even exist. I could only see the "friendly" ones and the ones who were unavailable because they were married, gay, in love with another woman, or just plain EMOTIONALLY unavailable. In other words - I could only see the SAFE ones. It was my own fear of intimacy that was doing me in. And my "hung-up-ness" was just making it so much easier for me to keep on avoiding it. I know now that MOST of us see men that way. Our fears somehow filter out the good men and only let in the ones who can't do the job. And of course, the ones who can't do the job will ALWAYS hurt us - because that's THEIR job. Their job is to BE unavailable. Their job is to prevent us from getting truly intimate with any man. Their job is to help us keep ourselves emotionally closed off and "safe." To keep us doing and saying the same things over and over again that never work and that PUSH men AWAY instead of bringing them CLOSE. And you don't have to do that anymore. If you'd like to have me guiding you to simple and fast Tools to help you talk and listen to men in a way they find absolutely irresistible, and raise your self-esteem so that you AUTOMATICALLY are attracted to AVAILABLE men, instead of unavailable ones, try out my Heart Connection Toolkit CD set. In the Toolkit, I walk you through my "Body Dialogues" and new ways to talk beautifully to yourself, so you'll understand how men trigger uncomfortable feelings in you and be able to CHANGE that to them triggering GOOD FEELINGS in you. |
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What You’ll Learn From Rori Raye
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