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Learning to Love Yourself and Make Him Want You More |
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We were all brought up to believe that we have
to ACCOMPLISH. We have to keep the house clean, we have to manage everyone's schedules, we have to get to work on time and do our work thoroughly and conscientiously - and at the end of the day, we're told to look back and MEASURE what we've accomplished. But LOVE doesn't work like that. The things we measure love by - kisses, words of love, romantic gestures, proposals, time spent together, engagement and wedding rings - aren't things WE CAN ACCOMPLISH! They're milestones that happen between us and a man in a relationship. And we can only be in charge of the part we have. And, horrible as it sounds and feels, we have to let our man be totally in charge of his part. He has to kiss. He has to massage us and be an enthusiastic lover. He has to speak words of love. He has to propose. He has to call us up and make plans to see us. He has to buy the engagement ring and he has to stand next to us at the wedding. If he were a puppet we could manipulate, would we even want him? Or would he be one of those weak, puppy-dog men we can't stand? It took me a long time to make peace with this bottom-line truth. If we could tell a man what to do to make us happy, and he did it, we wouldn't be happy. What we want is for a man to WANT to make us happy. We want him to ask questions and figure out what would make us happy, and then do it ALL ON HIS OWN. If we tell him, and he does it, we don't believe him. Love has to come from him, otherwise we don't want it. This can be so frustrating. ***To help yourself treasure yourself EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE RIGHT NOW - even though you'll ALWAYS want to learn new things, explore new ways of behaving, speaking and just BEING - try this (read how, first, and then stop reading for a moment and try it): Look away from your computer screen for a moment. Look at a bookcase, or a pile of papers, or a book, or the phone, or a picture on the wall. It can be a pretty thing, an ugly, practical thing, or something in-between. Look at it. Really, really look at it. Look at the colors - see that there are more than one color - even if it's red or blue - there are many shades of red and blue in the color you see. Look to see if light is shining on or bouncing off the object. Maybe there's a sparkle of light on one side, and nothing on the other. Look at the texture. Feel it. See if it feels bumpy or smooth or rough or soft. Now check in with your body. Do you feel anything, just from looking at this simple object? Do you feel judgmental? Like - is it an ugly object, or old, or worn? Does it make your mind go off in a million directions about all the things you have to do? Gently bring yourself back to the simplicity of looking at the object and feeling it, and then bring your attention back to your body and how you're feeling. Put a name to the feeling. It could be sad, like a sad memory, it could be happy, because you love that object, it could be bored because you want to get back to this letter. Now tune into how relaxed or tense you are. Now absolutely, completely ACCEPT whatever you're feeling. Absolutely ACCEPT the object EXACTLY AS IT IS. Absolutely ACCEPT yourself, in this one moment, exactly how you are, just like the object. Now come on back to this eLetter. What you've just done is one step, one small but powerful step to Loving Yourself, that will steadily undo all that self-hatred like Tammy is throwing at herself. And this is just the beginning, because what you've done, really and truly, is BE VULNERABLE. That's right. That's all Vulnerability is - accepting yourself in this one moment, and then letting everyone around you - even that man you really care for - see you EXACTLY as you are. Just the way you really, really looked at and ACCEPTED the object you worked with exactly as IT was. Vulnerability is not necessarily revealing personal things about yourself. IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW MUCH LOVE YOU GIVE A MAN, BUT ABOUT HOW MUCH LOVE YOU GIVE YOURSELF IN HIS PRESENCE. And the greatest thing about doing this very small but powerful thing is that it looks exactly the opposite of how we've all been taught to think it looks. It doesn't look timid or doormaty. It looks like self-esteem and confidence. And all you did was look at what was right in front of you, experience it, then accept your most basic feelings of happiness or sadness, without FEELING YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. This one simple thing will raise your self- esteem and AUTOMATICALLY attract a better man into your life, or completely TURNAROUND the relationship you're in This is just one simple Tool that can make a huge difference for you by helping you relate to men in a much more effective and truly POWERFUL way. If you'd like to get more of an understanding of how this all works, and how you can manage your emotions, stop your brain from spinning out-of- control, and turnaround your relationship no matter HOW BAD things are now, you'll want to take a look at my new program, Reconnect Your Relationship. In fact, How To Undo The Damage in your relationship is what the second session of the 6 CD series is all about. It's where you'll learn exactly what to Stop Doing with men - the things we all do that aren't working for you now and will NEVER work with ANY man. I teach you exactly, step-by-simple-step, HOW to Stop Doing them - even if these are things you've been doing, like I did, your whole life. ***Here's a letter from Cathy, who's experiencing a real shift in the way she feels: Dear Rori, I just couldn't wait to e-mail you to tell you what happened. I have been reading all the newsletters and have been practicing the feeling messages and everything in your book. On the weekend I had 5 men call me and I went out with one of them. Some of these guys are young and good looking. The most important part was that I saw my ex- boyfriend. (A year ago he'd called me and broke up, saying that he needed his space.) Well I went to this festival on Sunday and I saw him behind a booth. I smiled, and then I turned my back. A moment later, someone bumped me from behind. It was my ex! He must have RUN around the booth to talk to me. I was completely shocked! Something inside of me is changing. I feel more grounded inside. Thank you Rori, your books and CDs are really helping me!!!! ***If Cathy can FEEL so much better and stronger inside that she could make a man who said he didn't want to be with her actually RUN to say "Hello" to her, you can do it, too. And it doesn't have to take a year. You can make these small shifts just by starting with my book and CDs - you'll be amazed at how fast the Tools get results. Let me know how they work for you. |
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What You’ll Learn From Rori Raye
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