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Being Too Nice in Marriage, Stop Being So Nice. |
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If you've ever found yourself
putting a man's feelings ahead of your own
and ended up angry, resentful and heartbroken,
it doesn't have to happen to you ever again. All you need is a "plan," my Tools, and a man to practice on (any man - the clerk behind the counter at the market or the man you've been in a relationship with for years). Have you ever found yourself being the ideal woman in a relationship (he even TELLS you what an INCREDIBLE woman you are) and the next thing you know - he's with someone else? And you KNOW you were incredibly warm and kind, thoughtful and gracious, understanding and yet sexy, and he LOVED IT. You just knew he did. He even said he did. But then he also said he "loves" you, but he's not "in love with you"? It's like getting punched in the stomach. I remember feeling fantastic with a man, knowing how much he admired and appreciated me. And then going out with him and have him treat me like a "friend." No hand holding or kissing, or putting his arm around me to introduce me to friends. Not quite ignoring me - but giving the impression that we hadn't even arrived together. Like it wasn't really a "date." The feeling, and my memory of the feeling, is so weird. I remember not quite being able to put my finger on what was wrong. I remember not being able to "blame" him or even just feel okay being angry - because he didn't really DO anything bad. He just didn't treat me the way I wanted to be treated. He just didn't treat me with romance. He didn't treat me as a romantic girlfriend. But it was enough so I kept hoping he would. And, of course, he never did. (And I'm glad he didn't, because I would have settled then, instead of meeting and marrying my great husband.) So I find myself looking back to write to you, and I ask myself - "What was I thinking?" I ask myself not because I want to beat myself up (I gave that up a long time ago, and so can you), but because I really want to help you to NOT do the same things I did, over and over, that never worked and always got me hurt. I don't want you to have to take as long as I did to switch gears, get smart and get a REAL relationship. So... the answer to my own question is - I was thinking that as long as a man was dating me, as long as we were having sex, as long as he took me out and introduced me to his friends and family and we went on weekend trips together, we were in a relationship. And as long as I was keeping him happy, that relationship would end up where I wanted it to - marriage. And I couldn't have been more wrong. What I had was "staying power," and a lot of NICE going for me. It kept me IN the relationship - but it didn't do anything to make that man, or any other man, fall in love with me. You don't have to suffer like that. And...you don't have to be so "Nice." |
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What You’ll Learn From Rori Raye
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