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Get the Connection Back in Your Marriage |
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In that awful time when my marriage went downhill, my husband was actually the same man he'd always been. It was ME who'd CHANGED. And I hadn't changed for the better. Instead of the happy, busy, Leaned Back girl he'd met and courted, I was now focused entirely on HIM. He was the only man around. So I'd gone back to working hard, rowing the household and the relationship boat, and worst of all - feeling sad, lost, angry and ANXIOUS, and making him wrong every chance I got. No only couldn't I get his attention in a romantic way, I couldn't get his attention in ANY way. All his attention came through talking about work and watching television or playing with the cats and our baby. It was as though there was NOTHING PERSONAL left. I was making so many mistakes, it's hard to cover them all here, so I'll focus on one major mistake that's easy to turnaround, like I did. The Mistake is: Focusing On What You Don't HAVE Instead of what you Don't WANT. When you first read this, it may seem hard to tell the difference, but the difference is actually HUGE. This feeling I had of not being touched, or loved, or appreciated, or cared for just FILLED MY BODY. Whenever my husband passed by me in the kitchen, or to turn on the TV or the fan or the light, I could FEEL this pain in my whole body. Sound familiar? It was as though I was ACHING. Longing. Like a heroine in an old romance. Like I'd been kept away in a dungeon or a tower and no one could reach me. And yet he was right there. And he couldn't, or wouldn't reach across the foot of space between us to connect with me. And so everything I thought and everything I did was around that one feeling. I somehow got stuck, almost like a broken record, on the wish that if he'd reach out to me, just once, the evil spell would be broken and I'd come alive again. I'd be able to breathe again. To relax. To feel something besides longing. And the more I felt this aching longing, the more I tried to reach out to him. And the more he rejected me. He wasn't in the mood for anything remotely romantic. And the more this happened, the angrier I got. And the angrier I got, the more feelings filled my body that I couldn't DO anything with. Oh, I could complain to my friends, I could go to a therapist, I could stamp and scream in my car and pound pillows to get the feelings OUT, but I couldn't TRANSLATE them into anything that WORKED with my husband. I felt completely helpless to change the outcome of anything. And all of this started because I BELIEVED, at the very beginning, that HE was deliberately NOT giving me what I wanted and needed. The moment I switched that whole thought in my brain, everything changed. And you can do it too. So, wherever you find yourself in this cycle of focusing on what you don't have - SWITCH THAT THOUGHT. Stop thinking of him as the Fountain Of Love that you have to "go to" to get your bowl filled. Switch to the thought that you Don't Want him to be your Fountain Of Love and you Don't Want to go over to him to get your bowl filled. Fountains don't water other things and people - fountains water THEMSELVES. So, instead, picture YOURSELF as YOUR OWN Fountain Of Love, flowing water all over yourself, loving yourself, caring for yourself. This will help you with that aching feeling of not getting what you want from your man. And - it will do something else. Your man will notice that you're no longer looking to him for love. He'll notice you being YOUR OWN Fountain Of Love. And he'll come over to GET love from YOU. He'll start hanging around to get love from YOUR Fountain. And here's the last step in this "Thought Switch." Switch to the thought that you DON'T WANT a man who JUST wants to drink out of YOUR Fountain of Love. So, to even get near you, he'll have to turn himself into the Watering Can Of Love, and KEEP YOUR FOUNTAIN FILLED TO OVERFLOWING! How's that for a picture? I know, it's a leap. To go from HIM doing absolutely nothing to doing absolutely EVERYTHING - but that's how it works. I know this sounds too good to be true, but it really will work. You have to be very aware, all the time, of where your thoughts are about and with him, and keep switching to this Fountain and Watering Can image. As you start to do LESS, and he starts to do MORE, you'll get another surprise. The surprise is how great you'll feel - not just about him - but about YOURSELF. The Fountain image gives your self-esteem a boost. And as your self-esteem goes up, your confidence goes up. And YOUR CONFIDENCE will get his ATTENTION - without your having to DO anything! The thrill of really connecting with a man - and so quickly you'll be amazed - is priceless. It's what I want for you. |
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What You’ll Learn From Rori Raye
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