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Is He Ignoring? Understand the Signs of Ignoring and Know Why He is Ignoring You. Learn How to Respond When He is Ignoring You. |
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A man KNOWS he's behaving badly when he ignores
you. He knows it. And the thing he expects is for YOU to be ANGRY. And if you PRETEND you're NOT angry even when you are, and instead GO TO being understanding and nice and sweet - even though you feel upset and frustrated and sad, then he'll get angry at YOU! Sound familiar? But when you just Turn Away - not because you're angry (even if you are) but because you JUST DON'T LIKE FEELING ALONE AT A PARTY WHEN YOU'RE WITH HIM, AND YOU JUST DON'T LIKE HAVING TO CHASE HIM DOWN IN ORDER TO BE WITH HIM, everything will change for you. Your man will start chasing YOU down. You won't be standing there presenting a sweet, understanding, loving, long-suffering-woman face - or even a PREDICTABLE "angry" face. You'll just be YOURSELF, feeling whatever you're feeling, and choosing the good-feeling feelings over the yucky-feeling ones as they all come up. And what you'll most likely be feeling toward HIM is...NOT MUCH! And there's hardly any feeling more POWERFUL for any woman than that. All of a sudden - he's not in control of you. YOU'RE in control of you. Feels great. And then, you'll get to decide if you really WANT this man. Because when we're chasing a man down, we can't even tell if we like him or not. We just feel pushed forward from our insides because we're on some old, useless track of having to hunt down a worthwhile man. Now you know it works completely the opposite. When you TURN AWAY, that's when he'll show up. And it's not hard. It's just getting an understanding of how it works, and then stringing together a bunch of my Tools, and you'll see, it will work for you. I know that if I turned my love life around - with no help at all - you can too. Getting a man's attention is EASY! Going about it is just different than we've always been taught. And the way you go about it is the same whether you're "dating" or in a relationship. In this letter, I'll help you with two scenarios (because if you're in a relationship and BRIDGING you'll need both of these) - getting a man's attention for the FIRST TIME, and getting the attention of the man you're IN "Relationship" with, even if he's started taking you for granted. Here's a letter from "Alissa," who's situation is very basic and important: Dear Rori, I have a small question. How can I make him notice me when I see him, considering that there are loads of women in the same room. I don't know if I could make the first move as I'm more of a shy person. What would you recommend? Best Regards, Alissa Alissa's question isn't "small" at all. In fact, it's pretty much the bottom line of getting the man and the relationship you want - "How do I get his attention?" And the answer is almost in the question! You DON'T "get" a man's attention by GOING TO GET IT. The first step in getting a man's attention is to learn to RECEIVE IT when he DOES give it. You have to train yourself to do all my Rori Raye Tools so that you can BE yourself - as relaxed and confident and comfortable in your own skin as you can be by LOVING HOWEVER you really, actually FEEL - even if how you're really feeling at this moment is unrelaxed, unconfident and uncomfortable. Let's start with what NOT TO DO, in Alissa's situation, where she's interested in a man she'd like to meet. The first thing to stop yourself from doing is DOING ANYTHING. In other words, don't make any moves. Let him do it. It's okay to be shy. There may be loads of women in the room, but a man doesn't really SEE them ALL. He sees a woman he's drawn to. And he hardly ever is aware of WHY he's drawn to a particular woman, he just is. Once he's drawn to a woman, he barely even notices anyone else. It's like that TV show "The Bachelor." On that show, they spend the whole season trying to build up tension and create confusion, but the honest truth is, the bachelor has already picked out the one woman he wants on the FIRST NIGHT! He may change his mind as the show goes on - discovering things about one that kill his attraction for her, and then finding himself getting closer to another. But in the ROOM you talk of - he singles out ONE woman. So, though I'm going to give you advice for this kind of situation - a party or an event - the absolute best way to get close to a man is over time. That means hanging out doing things you love - sports, movies, chess, charity work - where a good man might be, often. This means joining groups and hanging out where YOU LOVE to be. So, amazingly enough, this all comes back, again and again, to FOCUSING on YOURSELF. It means creating your WORLD the way you want it WITHOUT taking a man into consideration. And then - like magic, the man shows up or steps up and fits himself into your great life. Even if you're "in a relationship" with a man right now, if it's not a COMMITTED, REAL relationship, with future talk and planning, including an engagement ring (if that's what you'd honestly like), then you can continue to flirt with other men - like this: Here's how to do it in a situation like Alissa's, where there are "loads" of other women around. If you're not his type, there's nothing you can do about it, so the first thing to remember is to get comfortable with yourself, in your own body, in your own skin. To relax yourself as much as you can, even if you don't feel relaxed, by using my Tools to stay grounded and in touch with your feelings. A woman who's grounded in herself and her own feelings is like a magnet. So how do you look relaxed, confident and comfortable - even if you're not feeling that way? 1. Imagine yourself leaning back, both actually and energetically (the way it feels, if you tune in, past the words and body language) when you're around him. Imagine he's coming towards you. Stay at least 10 feet from him. 2. Look at him when he looks your way. Hold eye contact for as long as you can - 3 to 5 seconds - and SMILE. Lean back (put one foot behind the other so you can do it without falling over). Breathe. 3. Imagine yourself melting like a candle.(Stay upright, standing straight, just imagine yourself melting while you smile.) It s okay if you re nervous and shaky. Don't try to hide it. 4. Just feel yourself shake and be nervous and shy, keep smiling, keep holding eye contact, then at about 3 to 5 seconds, turn back to whatever you were doing - eating, talking to a friend, looking at the wallpaper. 5. Now forget about him. If he doesn't come over to talk to you, he's not for you. At least at this occasion. I know this sounds difficult, but all it takes is a little bit of Practice. So Practice on little boys, old men, check out boys, bus boys, waiters, men at work, strangers on the street if you feel safe, anyone behind a counter. Smile and make eye contact, then go about your business. The next step will be what to say to him if he comes over and speaks to you. (My ebook, Toolkit and Reconnect Your Relationship programs, along with more of these eletters, will help you with that.) ***Now let's talk about getting the attention of a man you're "in relationship" with who's taking you for granted. Let's say he spends his free time in front of the TV. Or hanging with his friends. It seems he chooses almost everything over you, even if it doesn't sound like much fun. He works so hard and has so many hobbies and friends - it feels like he can barely fit you in. You've probably tried everything you can think of, and your girlfriends' ideas, too. You may have resorted to wearing sexy lingerie, or coming to the door naked. You may have pleaded with him to spend more time with you - or more quality time. You've had serious discussions about your concerns, and you've thought of leaving him if things don't change, but you know you aren't ready to do that. And the more you've tried these things, the worse you feel. Because none of those things work. They only make you feel more helpless, sadder, and, if you're anything like me - angry. The way to get your man's attention is to take your focus off of trying to GET his attention. What most of us do in this situation is one of two things: We either move forward, toward him, in a desperate attempt to get him to reconsider the relationship and the practically GRAB for his attention - OR we back way off PRETENDING WE DON'T CARE. When, of course, we do care - a great deal. If you've tried both of these ways to get his attention, and had no luck, that's because these not only don't work, they push men even further away. If he was just hanging on the edge of thinking about you but not wanting to take a step toward you, hug and kiss you or even call - moving forward and trying to grab his attention will push him away, perhaps forever. If he was just hanging on the edge of thinking about you but not wanting to take a step toward you, hug and kiss you, or even call - PRETENDING ANYTHING - especially that you "don't care" will be seen as a GAME, interpreted as ANGER, SPITE, PUNISHMENT and DESPERATION coming from you, and that will get his back up and push him away even more! So what are you left with? In the big picture, what works looks like this: You are warm, appreciative of everything he does and says that feels good to you, soft and sensual, flirty, smiling, inviting and open to his touch and his love when he DOES come toward you. And at the same time, you are so involved with the PASSIONS of your own HAPPY life, and so in touch with and accepting and loving of all your own feelings, even the needy and insecure ones, that you never, ever feel compelled to move toward him to GET ANYTHING from him. You don't need him to fill you up and keep you flowing - you have yourself and your full, busy, satisfying, good-feeling life (This is the Fountain Tool you may have seen in a recent eLetter). If he behaves badly you step away from him rather than closing down your heart, and if he's simply neglectful, you invite him into your FUN- FILLED emotional, physical and out-in-the-world life just by ENJOYING it when you ARE around him. In other words, you dangle the carrot of your lovely self and lovely inner and outer life in front of him, and he'll either jump at the chance to join you, or he won't. And if he doesn't, it's his loss, and you'll have so many other men around you that by then you honestly and truly WON'T care. And if he does, you'll know exactly what to do to keep him coming toward you - which is exactly what you did to get his attention in the first place: Just be you, living your lovely life, and he'll come knocking your door down. If this sounds fanciful and fantastic, it isn't. Go ahead and try it in your imagination. Imagine having such a lovely life and feeling so emotionally present with him - whether you're feeling angry, happy, sad or sexy - that you just feel comfortable in your own skin. Imagine him feeling so attracted to this simple, straightforward, appealing, real YOU, that he can't help but want you all to himself forever. If you're having trouble even imagining this moment, keep doing it. Keep imagining it until you FEEL comfortable with the images and the feelings that come up. Now add some other images to it. Imagine you're wearing different clothes than usual - skirts instead of pants, tight jeans instead of long skirts, high heels instead of sneakers, sneakers and jeans instead of sandals and shorts - different colors, different colors in your hair and different makeup on your face, different jewelry - pieces that sing to you and mean something positive to you. Imagine that all these differences in your "outer" self are only noticeable by YOU! Imagine not caring if he sees your new hair or nail polish at all - but that YOU feel fantastic. Imagine the new perspective and confidence it brings just to imagine him being so INTERESTED in you. If this fantasy keeps getting interrupted by thoughts of awful things that happened yesterday, or your anger or hurt, keep bringing your attention back, gently, to this amazing picture of bliss and his total ATTENTION on you. Once you can keep this picture in your mind ALL THE TIME, and at the same time spend ALL your energy in creating a "Lovely Life" for yourself in work, friends, health, mental attitude - all those truly important things to be PASSIONATE about, you'll see. Your man, like magic, will do an about-face. He will all of a sudden realize what a prize you are and that he could lose you. Instead of you standing around waving your hands and body in front of him, trying to get his attention, you'll be like a bright beacon of good feelings for him - a place where he can feel safe, warm, appreciated, understood on a deep level, challenged - and most important - NOT TOLERATED. He'll get that not only are you a warm safe, wonderful place to be - but that you won't let him CLOSE to you unless he makes YOU FEEL GOOD. The details of how to do this, and more, are in my Tools. In my Reconnect Your Relationship program, you'll learn the important components of how to be strong on the inside and soft on the outside, and what to do with all your emotions and then with whatever behavior your man throws at you. You'll learn how to identify where exactly you ARE in your relationship, and how to quickly stop doing the things that are pushing him away, and start doing the things that will bring him close and make him want to stay forever. (There's a 30 day free trial offer on the program, so there's no risk for you.) Also, if you'd like to send me a question or a problem you're having that I can answer in an eletter - or a Success Story! -- please e-mail me at Rori@HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com. Though I may not be able to correspond one-on-one with you, I WILL ABSOLUTELY, PERSONALLY READ YOUR LETTER! - I really do find myself up late reading what you've written to me, and then answering you in these eLetters. (I depend on hearing from you about your personal issues and concerns so I can build new programs for you around them, so if you don't want me to use your letter, please let me know - otherwise I'll change all the names and cities and go ahead.) It will help me write a truly helpful answer much more quickly if you keep it to a simple format: 1. One or two paragraphs, please, and 2. Get as specific as you can - the details help me really get a feel for your unique situation. Please feel free to forward these e-letters to a friend - and let her know she can get in touch with me and start receiving her own letters by going to www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com The eBook is the foundation for all my work, including these eLetters, so getting the basics will help you use everything else you get from me. If you already have the book, get my Heart Connection Toolkit - just listening to it over and over, instead of to the nasty Voice we all have inside our heads, will raise your self-esteem. Here's a letter from "Terri," who's getting the hang of this Strong On The Inside, Soft On The Outside way of being with a man Dear Rori, I can't thank you enough for sharing what you have experienced and learned. I feel like you have been through everything I have been through and are talking directly to me. My relationship has improved so much. It was on rock hard ice...now, it feels so.....soft. I don't know how else to say it. Our relationship is just softer. I have grown and learned so much since having your ebook and CDs. From my open window,....Thank you!!!! Terri ***If Terri can experience such a dramatic change in her relationship, so fast, and just from my eBook and CDs, so can you. I'd love to know how you're doing, and look forward to hearing from you. |
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