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Are Your Looking for a Dream Guy and Creating an Imaginary Relationship? Stop Being Hurt and Have a Real Relationship. |
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First thing - it really helps to identify the feelings that are Relationship Red Flags. Red Flags that tell you, loud and clear, you're in an IMAGINARY RELATIONSHIP and NOT a Real Relationship. And the ONLY way to really know what's going on is by FEELING it. If you try to think about what's going on, and use your brain to work things out and make sense of things, you end up talking yourself in and out of good and bad ideas. You end up making excuses for him, and being understanding, and giving him the benefit of the doubt, and telling yourself "It doesn't matter, I can handle this." But you shouldn't have to "handle" bad treatment. So you need to know when bad treatment is happening. And if you're anything like I was, sometimes that's hard to do. An Imaginary Relationship is way different from a Real Relationship. In an Imaginary Relationship, sometimes we feel "hurt" when, according to the rules (as he sees it) of a "friends" or "dating" relationship, he hasn't actually done anything hurtful. Sometimes we feel hurt because we have such low self-esteem. Sometimes we feel hurt because we're afraid to feel how ANGRY we actually feel. But ALWAYS - we feel "hurt" because we are EXPECTING him to behave like he's in a Real Relationship with us, when really, he's only in an Imaginary Relationship. To him, he's in NO relationship at all. I was in an Imaginary Relationship with that man who hurt me so much. As long as he didn't actually end the "relationship" I thought I was in, I put up with ridiculous things. You'd think I would have looked woefully insecure, with no confidence, low self-esteem showing like a neon sign, but I didn't. On the outside, I seemed so self-assured. I was fairly successful professionally, I had money saved up in the bank, I owned my own home. But inside, I was like jelly. And on top of that, inside, I was always beating myself up for FEELING like jelly. What I finally discovered, after years of more men and experiences like this, was that no matter what it looked like on the outside, if I BELIEVED that the jelly I was feeling like inside was bad and ugly, and believed I had to hide it from everyone, especially men, and so I had to APPEAR tough and together on the outside always smiling - I would predictably lead myself over and over again into Imaginary Relationships where men treated me as though I was tough all the way through. Outside and inside. And they'd just assume I was "unhurtable." They figured that I could "handle things." They thought if I wasn't happy with the way they were treating me, I'd leave - just like they would. But I was strong, like a wall, on the outside and jelly on the inside. I had no idea how to treat MYSELF well, much less require that THEY treat me well! And then it hit me. I had to teach myself to treat myself well. I had to stop beating myself up so I wouldn't attract men who'd help me beat myself up. I had to start loving myself so I would attract men who'd help me LOVE myself. It was such a simple concept, but it was like the first day of school for me. I had no idea how to start, but I started by EMBRACING myself. All of myself, even the parts I didn't like. The moment I began to embrace my jelliness on the inside, and let people start to see it on the outside, an amazing thing happened. I got stronger on the inside. It was as though my insides and outside had switched. I became more sensitive to MYSELF, instead of always being so sensitive to HIM. Here are some ways to tell if you're in an Imaginary Relationship and ignoring your inner JELLY. It feels like you're on edge all the time. Like HE'S holding the only key to YOUR WELLBEING. The more he comes and goes, sometimes by just not responding to you in a way that feels good when you're at dinner, or at a party, the more you feel it's YOUR fault (it isn't!) You feel like there's something you could DO to get his love, but you feel desperate just searching for it. |
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What You’ll Learn From Rori Raye
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