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Are Men Are Afraid to Tell Their True Feelings. Learn to Understand a Man's Feelings and Emotions in Relationships and Have the Relationship You Want. |
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If you're like me, going down into that dark
tunnel after my man was one of the big mistakes
I almost instinctively, always made. I did it with my friends, too. How about you? Go ahead and take a look around you. Are your friends cheerful, happy, easy-going people? Or are they tense and always feeling hurt by someone else? Are you always trying to "cheer" them up? Or making YOURSELF feel worse so they don't have to go through their sadness alone? Even if people aren't out-and-out "bummers" they can affect us in very subtle ways. People are often good at PRETENDING to be cheerful and upbeat (sound familiar?) when they're really feeling lousy. And what we take home with us, or to bed with us, or out to dinner with us, is the FEELING they gave off, not the cheerful front they put up. So let's look at this both ways. One, your man is giving off "vibes" that are making things grayer for you. (Or for that matter, the people down the street, or in the next county or state's vibes are affecting you - who knows what we're able to pick up if we're sensitive enough?) And Two, YOU may be the one putting up a "cheerful" front in order to avoid upsetting HIM - but he can feel how unsettled and unhappy you are UNDERNEATH your cheerful front anyway - no matter how you try to cover it up. So try this - The PICK UP When you find yourself feeling "blue," stop going down that road. Ask yourself "What am I feeling?" It might be scared, angry, sad. If the answer isn't clear, now ask yourself if you're angry. You may very well be mad at something your man did or didn't do, and because we women are often so uncomfortable with anger, you're covering it up and stuffing it down with sadness and the "blues." Here's the thing - don't go DIGGING for what's bothering you, and don't go into the cause, and the whys and wherefore and get lost down that path. Instead - see what happens if you say this to yourself: "Maybe this isn't about me. Maybe I'm picking up some feelings SOMEONE ELSE is having. Maybe I'm picking up my man's "blues," and they're not mine at all! If you can feel your "blues" lifting, even just a little, when you try on that thought - then it's working for you. Next - in that moment, that second when you feel the sadness lift because you've said it doesn't belong to you - you're just sensitive and picking up sad vibes from someone else - shift your focus to an object right in front of you. Make it something you like, that makes you smile, makes you laugh, and pulls you up instead of down. (A bracelet, a photo, a CD, a book, a scarf you love, a piece of furniture. (By the way - this is a GREAT WAY to find out if you're surrounding yourself at home with things you LOVE, and that make you feel good, or with things that have all kinds of mixed memories attached and tend to bring you down into thinking about those old things. This would be a good push to start doing some de- cluttering and shifting the whole "vibe" of your home!) Now give yourself a big hug, because you've just created a whole new way of being that will bring your man closer than you thought possible. We women are SO USED to doing everything we can to make everyone around us feel better. Especially our men. When they do something inexcusably harsh and uncaring, we rightly feel very angry. But then, if he's done it because "he's had a bad day" or having some "troubles" we don't feel good about our anger. We go right from feeling angry to feeling guilty, and then we get all nice and understanding, and we lose our REALNESS and authenticity and turn into someone we don't even recognize, and don't like very much. We turn into someone who's putting up a cheerful, caring front, when what she really feels is anger and disappointment. This is how we get talked out of taking care of ourselves, and let's - you and I - make a deal to not let that happen anymore. There are ways to talk to a man no matter how he's feeing, so that you don't get the short end of the stick and end up being a "doormat." The amazing thing is - when we take a chance, and lift that nice, cheerful cover off of how we really feel - even if we find the "blues" there - our men do a turnaround. They can't help it. Men are completely drawn in by a woman who's feeling what she's really feeling - no covering up. As long as he's not being attacked or blamed, or asked to FIX it, he would rather be with you, feeling you feel what you're feeling, than with himself - feeling his very own "blues." The fastest way to make sense of your feelings, and shift them - WITHOUT covering them up - into a better feeling place, is with the Tools in my newest program "Reconnect Your Relationship." "Reconnect" is like a master class in SAVING your relationship. It will help you understand your man, understand what's happening between you that feels so terrible, and almost INSTANTLY TURN IT AROUND. So the next time you feel gray and "blue," try the PICK UP Tool, and applaud yourself for your SENSITIVITY, for your ABILITY to feel, and your GIFT for picking up on other people's feelings. Let me know how it works for you. |
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What You’ll Learn From Rori Raye
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