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Dealing with Heartache and Pain From a Bad Relationship |
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If you're feeling totally frustrated
by a man who "says" he "loves you," and that he
"wants to be with you," but just can't seem to
follow through and move the relationship forward,
I know how hard it is to know what to do. When a man puts out "mixed signals" it's difficult to "get" what's really going on - especially if we're all bound to him with our hormones and our hearts. In my Reconnect Your Relationship CDs, I help you change that scenario specifically - with concrete actions, words, and ways to get a whole new "vibe" around you so he'll feel compelled to make changes in himself. If you've ever found yourself in an "impossible" situation with a man, where you just KNOW that the relationship would be fantastic if there wasn't something or someone ELSE constantly making it hard and painful for you, you are absolutely NOT ALONE, and here's some help: First up, here's a letter from Cheryl, who's stopping her love life cold by hanging onto a man who's pretty much humiliating her publicly: Dear Rori, My name is Cheryl. I've been in a relationship with the same men for seven years. We've been separated for four years and I am still deeply in love with him. When I do see him it is like the first time I saw him all over again. I am not really sure what happened to us. We used to be so close. Like "thicker than thieves." We were in a car accident he had several broken bones and the memory of it all and I had a couple of broken bones and a head injury and I lost my vision for a couple of years and no memory of it at all. I felt that we had gotten even closer through all of this some how until I started to get my vision back enough to go back to work. Then all of a sudden he changed. His step sister from a couple of marriages back moved to town and started hanging around but only when I was at work. I had only met her one or two times briefly before all of this and now when I would come home in the morning she was leaving my house. He would swear nothing was going on but couldn't say why she was here, and after that it seemed that I could do nothing right. Even the way I was standing was wrong. So one day I got home and we had a disagreement and I said that "it has gotten to where I don't even want to come home anymore" and the next thing I know he moved out and that was four years ago. We still see each other and he says he loves me but we have had no romantic involvement at all and he and his "step sister" live together. Every time I ask him to talk to me or at least tell me it's completely over, that there is no chance of an us any more he gets upset and tells me that he loves me and nothing is going to change that and then he leaves and I don't hear from him for a couple of days. What really kills me is that my kids miss him just a much as I do. I do know that he had a past history in drugs and sometimes I wonder if he is back into it. All I do these days is wonder because he won't talk to me anymore. I do know that I am not the only one at fault here but I don't know how we can get back what we had. Is there any advice you can give me? Cheryl" ***It's easy to read Cheryl's letter and think that she's not even seeing the reality of her situation. But, sometimes, when you're in the middle of it all, you really can't see. And that's why you need someone else to help you see it. I'm happy to be that tough-love friend for Cheryl and perhaps, in her story, as extreme as it is, you can see some similarities to a situation you may be in yourself, right now. First, let's use Cheryl's very difficult situation as an extreme version of an Imaginary Relationship: Cheryl - this is what's really going on: This man and you have been apart for 4 years. He is living with another woman. He does not demonstrate in any way that he cares for you. (Saying "he "loves" you is meaningless under these circumstances, and just shows how you must be a wonderful woman and OF COURSE he doesn't want you out of his life.) He likes you exactly where you are - pining for him and making him feel like a big man, while he continues what seems to be a REAL RELATIONSHIP - with the woman he lives with. I know that sharing a trauma like the car accident can be a deep and profound bond, and that, earlier, your relationship was strong. I also hear that the moment you became independent, he was gone. Perhaps he had some guilt about the accident, and taking care of you was part of his healing. Being dependent on him for so long would make any woman feel deeply bound to the man she depended on. I know this is difficult, and still, you must break these bonds. You must stop seeing him altogether. End contact, and begin a new phase of your life. There are many men in the world - you must make yourself available to them. And in the process of discovering these new men and how they actually want to be with you - without obstacles like another woman in the way - you will discover yourself. Once you start finding the deep wells of strength you TRULY do have, you will also find the love you want. For extra help, try out my Body Dialogues and Processes in my Heart Connection Toolkit CD set. I walk you, step-by-step, through "The Plan" that will help you feel POWERFUL - and feeling powerful will get you closer and closer to the man and the relationship you want with every moment of every Tool you try. Please be open to the new men (some will be "dates," some will be behind the cash register or the deli section at the market), who will help you along the way. They'll love you, give to you, and make you feel safe enough to love yourself in their presence. Good luck, and please let me know how you're doing. |
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What You’ll Learn From Rori Raye
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