How To Heal A Broken Heart in 3 Love-Changing Steps

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By Rori Raye

How do you heal a broken heart?

Do you spend months (or years - ugh!) wondering what went wrong?

Do you analyze your every move, sentence and decision leading up to the break up?

Do you find a guy to quickly replace the one you lost, so you can forget all about the heartache?

Chances are, you’ve done one or more of these things in the past. You wouldn’t be alone.

But here’s the thing: none of these approaches work. In fact, all of them lead to one common result: Another just-as-devastating broken heart with your next relationship.

Do you really want to go through all of this heartbreak just to go through it again??

Do you really want another relationship to fail? Do you want this painful cycle to continue to repeat for years?

If not, then you need to know this:

How you heal a broken heart doesn’t happen by avoiding the pain and impulsively jumping into bed with a guy of questionable taste, or holding onto the heavy, painful heartache as a self-flagellating reminder of the lost love, or by overthinking and overanalyzing yourself into a pit of depressive exhaustion.

I’ve done all these things too… way more times than I can count. But then I found a better way: a way that will put you back in control of your love life, and attract amazing, high quality men that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Whether you’re feeling “tied” to a man who’s giving you bread crumbs for love, or your man has cheated on you or betrayed you, or even if you’ve made the hard decision to end a failing relationship, heartbreak is never fun - plain and simple.

Most of us will do almost anything we can to avoid the pain of feeling heartbreak (even staying in a dead relationship for too long!)

But that is actually exactly where you need to be - feeling your own emotions.

Not ignoring them. Or pretending they aren’t there. Or judging them as wrong. Or trying to avoid them until you find yourself at the bottom of a pint of ice cream.

You need to feel them, and let them flow through you.

So, right now take a moment and feel your own heart. What’s there?

What emotions and sensations are you feeling?

If you’re feeling sadness and grief over the loss of the guy you loved, the hopes of an ever-lasting relationship - let yourself feel that sadness and grief fully.

If you’re feeling angry about feeling betrayed, rejected, abandoned, or about putting up with mistreatment from a jerk - let yourself feel angry!

If you’re feeling afraid about what the future holds for you - let yourself feel that fear.

As painful, messy, uncomfortable, complex, confusing or devastating as it feels, you gotta feel what’s TRUE for YOU.

Be real with yourself, and be real with those around you - don’t pretend it’s all ok when it’s not. And don’t feel guilty if you’re not as devastated as you ‘think’ you ‘should’ be. Just FEEL what’s really there for you.

Don’t go into a big story about what could’ve been, or should’ve happened, or what-ifs or so on, and don’t go running into a stranger’s arms for distracting comfort.

By allowing yourself to feel it, fully and deeply, you are also allowing the feelings to move through you, so you avoid the dangerous flipside of this coin: wallowing.

Just as you don’t want to avoid your emotions, you don’t want to cling onto them either - you want to let them flow, naturally and honestly.

When we women have our hearts broken, we tend to do one thing: we obsess over him.

We wonder why he broke up with us. We second guess our actions. We try to come up with a way to “win” him back.

But here’s the thing: love is not about any one man. I know it feels like it is, but it isn’t. Love is about loving and being loved. Feeling love coming into you, and feeling love going out of you. Flowing through you.

The man you were exchanging love with is only PART of the exchange. Some men can exchange love better than others, and often a man can be more able to exchange love if YOU are.

But in order to be able to exchange love, you have to be able to love YOURSELF first - full out, totally, completely, no-holds-barred, no conditions - you have to love ALL of YOU. And then a good, solid, caring man can feel safe and accepted and be his best self with you.

So let’s say you’re going through a breakup where you still feel in love with the guy (maybe he was even a real jerk at times) - but it wasn’t a mutual breakup. And there’s some part of you that is convinced that if you only make him see how amazing you are, he will want you back, and he will stop being a jerk.

You obsess, thinking of ways to impress him, show him your best self, how much sexier you can be, how much more adventurous, more caring, more loving, more more more…

You try to convince him he shouldn’t have broken up with you in the first place.

But here’s the thing: this totally doesn’t work. A man doesn’t fall in love with a woman because of what she will do for him, or how she changed herself to get him back.

A man falls in love with a woman who is in touch with her own wants and needs, and is unafraid to express all of her feelings and desires (even the messy ones).

It’s about how confident, comfortable and empowered you are in yourself - in your own feminine power.

And this means being totally real about yourself - especially about how you FEEL.

Many women get trapped in this unhealthy kind of cycle, where they focus so much on the guy, they are actually ignoring their own emotions.

These women (and I used to be one myself!) are actually just as emotionally unavailable and emotionally manipulative as the unhealthy and unavailable men they attract!

Yep - when you are doing everything you can to keep a guy - staying nice, sweet, kind, saying all the ‘right’ things etc - you are actually manipulating the situation. You’re not being real.

And this will attract the wrong kind of guys, and it will destroy an otherwise good relationship.

Every moment you spend focusing on him, you are actually ignoring what you’re truly feeling inside. You’re not being real with yourself.

When you aren’t real with yourself and your feelings, you are preventing him from connecting with the real you. And you are missing out on an opportunity to see if he will honor and care for you and your needs.

You want a man who will treat you like the goddess you are. Who will care when you are upset or hurt or sad. Who will love and appreciate the real you… even the messy parts.

That means getting in touch with how you feel - even the icky feelings that you hate and would rather avoid or hide.

You’ve gotta stop hiding when you feel anxious, or sad, or nervous, or angry…

This can be scary at first. If you’re not used to letting people see the more vulnerable side of you, it will feel scary. Being honest about your uncomfortable emotions is very vulnerable - but that is the very thing that makes a man feel safe with you.

When it feels scary or hard, it’s a great place to start. Why? Because these are the feelings a lot of women try to hide, in hopes that they appear ‘perfect’, put together or good enough to a prospective guy.

But a high-quality man will smell this lack of authenticity from a mile away!

When you start opening up and being honest about how you feel, share how scary it feels.

When you start showing up in this way, men will sense your realness.

And the men who are unable or unwilling to be real themselves, will probably be intimidated by you! (And this is a good thing. A man who doesn’t want you to be real, or can’t be real himself, is NOT someone who will be a good partner to you).

The kind of man you want to be with is looking for a woman who is comfortable with herself, and her vulnerability. He will be so ridiculously attracted to you, you’ll be wishing you had figured this out sooner.

But remember, even when you start learning to really commit to yourself fully, it’s NOT about the guy.

It’s about YOU.

• Get REAL about how you feel. No more ‘perfect’ nice girl. If someone does something that upsets you, speak up. Stand up for yourself. Kindly, but firmly share how it hurts you and how it makes you feel.
  
  Share statements using, “I feel…”, such as, “When you said that about my friend, it made me feel hurt and unseen.” Or, “When you show up late for our dates, it makes me feel unimportant.”
  
  When you share your feelings, the other person can understand better what you’re experiencing. It’s not about blaming them, but it is about sharing your real experience. And a quality, caring man will actually be very happy to know how his actions affect you, and will never want to make you feel bad.
• Focus on YOU. Focus on loving yourself. Even the parts you wish to hide, or feel ashamed of. Get to know those parts most! Love them with your whole heart - just like you’d do with a little child that feels embarrassed or ashamed - you would want to comfort her and make her feel seen and loved. And then you’d want to cheer her up by encouraging her to play and enjoy herself again!
  
  So, what activities make you feel alive? Creative? Expressive? Perhaps it’s dancing, singing, making art, writing poetry… If you’ve lost touch with these things, think back to when you were a little girl - what were the things you really loved doing more than anything? Do those things! They feed your self-love, and nourish your feminine energy.
• Date differently. You don’t need to wait a certain amount of time to start dating again - but you DO want to be conscious about where your energy is focused. Just remember, when you’re dating, it’s about how you FEEL, not about catching a great guy.

When you’re real about how you feel, the great guy will just be magnetized to you. It’s a lot easier than most women make it out to be!

​​Learning how to embrace your whole range of emotions and your feminine power is foundational in healing your heartbreak, because once you do this, you are evaluating men completely differently, and men are treating you like the goddess you are!

All it takes is a few simple shifts in your energy, your words and body language to completely transform the way you connect with men, and I can teach you how to do this in my free love and relationship newsletter.

When you subscribe to my FREE newsletter, I’ll show you a different approach to dating that never lets you get hung up on one man and that actually works to attract the right man to you quickly – and the best part is it requires less of the kind of things that scream “chasing” and “neediness” to him and instead feel attractive and magnetic.

You’ll also learn:

• A new way of being with a man so he’ll want to be around you all the time, and will inspire him to want to caress you, pull you close and tell you he loves you
• The subtle energy shift that can make a tremendous difference in how a man starts to pursue you for a change – he’ll want all your time and attention
• A three-step formula for communicating your feelings to a man in a way that will actually make him want to come closer to you and share his own feelings – you’ll never have to walk on eggshells or hide the real you again, and he’ll fall more and more in love with you for it
• The specific words and body language that will make a man irresistibly attracted to you – and how to raise your self esteem so you feel good no matter what he does
• How to get the commitment you want without asking for it – he’ll think it’s completely his idea.

Heartache is never fun. And none of us want to go through it. But you can see this as an opportunity to change how you’ve been showing up with men, and get a much much different response.

Suddenly, you are the one with all the power. So go put it to use to attract a great man who will appreciate the prize that you are!

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