By Rori Raye
Most of us have had this experience at least once (if not too many times to count.) Where we’ve given into our impulses and enjoyed a hot, passionate night with a guy… only to be left feeling incredibly insecure, vulnerable or even regretful afterward…
But I’m not talking about regret of spending the night with the wrong kind of guy (that’s a whole other topic!)… I’m talking about the feeling like we really like this guy, and wished we had taken things a little slower.
We might second-guess our decision to hookup with him… worried about what he’s thinking about us.
So how do you tell if a guy really likes you after a hookup, as much as you like him?
And if you aren’t sure, how do you GET him to like you as much as you like him?
How do you get him to choose you as his one-and-only? Especially when you are feeling so vulnerable and anxious?
If you think about choosing a girlfriend like you think about voting for President, is he voting for you?
In other words, voting for you as the woman of his dreams, the woman he wants to be with forever?
That’s the way I always looked at it when I was dating and interested in a guy - as though I were RUNNING for the office of “girlfriend,” or “wife.”
I was always trying to “win” his vote, his affection, his attention, his exclusivity.
Looking back, it was as if I were draping myself in my credentials, showing off my skills, like “niceness,” and “understanding,” and “sexy,” and “smart,” and “funny,” and so many other things I thought he’d “love” about me - things I thought would make him fall in love with me forever.
And, of course - none of those things mean ANYTHING when it comes to a man liking you or even FALLING IN LOVE.
A man does not fall for “qualities.”
A man just “FALLS.” And then he automatically “votes” for you for girlfriend and wife - because he can’t even see himself without you.
So, how do you really get his vote? How do you get him to fall?
Well, first, you have to vote for YOURSELF.
Okay, this sounds so obvious. You say - “Well, of COURSE I’m voting for myself!” You say “I want to be THE ONE!”
But let’s take a closer look. Because - if you’re finding yourself thinking about him obsessively, worrying about how he feels all the time, stressing about every woman he might come in contact with and speaks to - every beautiful, sexy woman he LOOKS at, even on TV - then are you REALLY voting for yourself?
What We Women Normally Do (That Doesn’t Work)
I think what we women do is - we’re sort of instinctively voting for the other woman, we sort of think she’s the one who should get our man (otherwise, why would we be jealous?)
We’re sort of instinctively voting for the FAILURE of our relationship.
It’s why everyone freaks out during an election. Everyone WANTS their candidate to win, and yet it’s this FEAR that our candidate will lose that is filling up our feelings 24 hours a day.
We are more focused on the possibility of losing than we are on the possibility of winning. And that changes our “vibe.”
In our relationships - when we focus on the possibility of losing, or that he’s drifting away or withdrawing - our whole sense of confidence and ease and sensuality and relaxation goes away:
BUT - we continue LOBBYING!
If you’re not sure what a “Lobbyist” does - he or she works to influence the government of any country. It’s usually about passing a bill or an initiative or creating a plan, or a hiring or appointing of someone for a high position, or fighting AGAINST something.
And here we are, lobbying for our relationship. Working to get this guy to like us back, and to give us affection, attention, and commitment. And the saddest thing in the world is - though lobbying works in government, lobbying a man will only PUSH HIM AWAY.
There are many ways we can push a man away without even knowing we’re doing it. We can do it by Overfunctioning (working to get or keep a man’s attention). We can do it by Thinking and Doing instead of Feeling and Being. We can push a man away by giving him more than he gives us, or by pretending.
So you’re wondering how to tell if he likes you after a hookup…
The key here is to STOP WONDERING about him.
And START wondering about YOU.
How are you FEELING after the hookup?
Are you tight, clenched, anxious, worried? Has your insecurity been triggered? Are you on tenterhooks waiting to hear from him, and trying to play it ‘cool’?
You can ‘DO’ all the right things, play it cool, appear easy-going, look stunning… but if you’re not FEELING actually easy, sexy, cool… he’s going to feel that.
He may not be conscious of it, but it affects whether or not he reaches out to you after a hookup.
Haven’t you ever had that experience where, as soon as you FINALLY get a guy out of your head, he suddenly texts or calls?
There’s a reason for it.
The truth is that a good man DOES NOT like to be told what to do, or tried to be CONVINCED of something. When you aren’t being your authentic self and you’re putting on a facade (pretending to play it cool etc) - you’ve already lost him.
So - instead of trying to WIN his vote, to INFLUENCE his vote, or to GET his vote - stop all that and simply VOTE FOR YOURSELF.
If you can Vote For Yourself - every minute of every day, in every situation - you will create a “vibe” around yourself that will be adorable, irresistible, fool-proof and cheat-proof.
You will no longer vote for the other woman by getting jealous or asking him for a commitment before he offers one.
You will no longer vote for failure by focusing on failure.
You will vote for yourself by focusing on YOU:
Express your power. Consider it a vote for YOU.
Then make some lists about what you like, about the strengths you have, about what you want, about what you want to feel and experience - on all the GOOD things you want for yourself - and VOTE for THOSE.
You can stop focusing so much on HIM and what he’s doing or thinking, and instead start dating yourself.
This means treating yourself to activities that feed your soul, like spending time with your favorite friend, or going on a long walk in a beautiful park.
It means flirting and smiling at every man you meet, so that you can feel like the Diva that you already are, instead of wondering what HE is feeling about you.
In my Targeting Mr. Right online video program, you’ll learn how to date, relate, and mate like a real DIVA.
A Diva (the good kind) is a woman who knows her worth and isn’t afraid of going after what she wants. That means she DOESN’T SETTLE for a man who isn’t totally, 100% into her.
She doesn’t commit or become exclusive with a man who hasn’t yet committed himself to her. She has OPTIONS.
YOU have options. You can use every interaction with every man you run into as an opportunity to practice your “Diva skills.” This will completely change your vibe around a man and elevate your Degree of Difficulty in an instant.
A man won’t think twice of stalling or giving you the runaround when he knows that you have high value and you won’t tolerate his bad behavior..
He will vote for you - once he GETS, clearly, unmistakably, surely and absolutely that you aren’t interested in how HE votes - but that YOU, no matter WHAT, are ALWAYS voting for YOURSELF.
He will be mesmerized, bewitched, captivated and completely won over without you doing a thing - just by being with you while you are constantly on your own side, loving yourself, voting for yourself and just being yourself when you’re with him.
I’ve got so many more tips, ‘secrets’ and practices on how to focus on YOU instead of him in my FREE Feminine Energy Newsletter.
I share many other Tools on how to keep your focus on YOU, so much that it won’t ever be a concern again whether a guy likes you after a hookup or not. You’ll be such an alluring Diva that he will make it clear how he feels from the get go.
You also learn:
The more you Be & Feel, the less you will be Thinking about if he likes you after a hookup… the more likely he is going to be wildly drawn to be with you!
You can do this!