By Rori Raye
Are you dating a guy where sparks just flew when you first met, you had indescribable chemistry and amazing, hours-long conversations… But now his interest in you seems to have gone cold? You’re left wondering, ‘Did I come on too strong?’ or ‘Did I do something wrong?’. And now you’re obsessing, even unable to sleep at night thinking, ‘Things were so great in the beginning, how can I keep this guy interested?’
Maybe this guy is still keeping in contact, but he’s cooled off quite a bit and hasn’t shared why. This can be excruciating when we’ve felt an intense and strong connection… to all of a sudden feel disconnected, abandoned, or put on the back-burner.
And we wonder, ‘what keeps a guy interested anyway?’. We stay up late at night, spinning our wheels, texting our friends, researching Google and Youtube… but no answer we find seems to quell our anxieties.
Do you ever feel like a man is so important to you that he’s worth all the pain he causes you? To the point of where you’re second-guessing yourself all the time, and working so hard to figure out how to behave and what to say to make the relationship happen? As if things would change if you could just get what to do and say right.
I lived most of my earlier life making men more important than myself. I put them on a pedestal. At least the men I had “feelings” for. With a man I cared for, I’d think about him all the time. I’d strategize, talk about him with my friends, worry about what he was thinking, and what would happen next.
It was exhausting!
With a man I didn’t “feel anything for,” and dated just because he was “nice” or “financially well-off,” I could barely remember him after being with him. But these guys would want to keep dating (even though I barely remembered them). This actually held a huge key on how to keep a guy interested…
It took me a long time, but when I finally got my love life working for the first time, all of a sudden I realized it was working because I’d created it so that no men were all that important.
Even if I’d slept with them. Even if I’d dated them for months. Even if I’d met their family and had incredible times.
I’d somehow trained myself to think of myself as more important than any of these men, and I was able, in an amazing way, to let them just “run through my life.” They ran through my life the way a river runs through river beds. They came in and went out. Some stayed a long time, some didn’t.
And somehow, I didn’t care. I just kept believing one would stay, and that I wouldn’t have to convince him to stay. And then, one did. He was great, and we married. He stayed and turned my “river of men” into a beautiful lake. And you can do this, too!
You may be wondering to yourself right now how in the world I did that. How did I make it so that I didn’t become attached to any one man, and got a more relaxed, “what will be will be” attitude with dating?
It happened because I decided I no longer could afford to make any man the center of my life unless he was 100%, totally, and completely devoted to me.
And that meant, unless there was a ring on my finger, I was not giving away my heart and soul to a man. I wasn’t exclusive with any man. What exclusivity had gotten me in the past is really a lot of heartbreak and disappointment.
I realized at that time of my life that becoming a man’s “girlfriend” without a commitment was actually UNattractive to a man. He doesn’t have to pursue you anymore, and he doesn’t have to work hard for your attention and affection.
Men get lazy.
They keep on doing what they want to do, especially if they know you’re going to be there, waiting patiently. And often what they do is they decide to date someone else, or stall and stall and stall so that years go by without a commitment. Don’t do this to yourself.
There’s a way to get the kind of attention from a man that happens when he genuinely, and without pressure, feels so intrigued and attracted to you that he can’t help but chase you.
It happens when you get a certain kind of “vibe” that tells a man that you have high enough regard for yourself that you won’t tolerate bad behavior. And, you certainly don’t “chase” after a man.
And it works in any of these frustrating situations we often find ourselves in with men:
I don’t mean this in an arrogant or superior way. But in a very honest and self-respecting way.
To really keep a guy interested in you… a guy who’s truly worth YOUR time, energy, love and affection… he’s got to put in the effort to feel like he’s truly ‘won’ you over. And that means you’ve got to be your number one priority.
This means doing all the things that make you feel happy, fulfilled and alive.
Get out there and flirt! Go dancing with your girlfriends. Take those art classes and dance lessons you’ve been meaning to. Swimming in the ocean. Cooking a delicious meal. Volunteering at your local animal shelter. Writing poetry.
I want you to make a list right now, of all the things that you really LOVE doing.
All of these things that really make you light up – these are the things you’ve got to prioritize.
The more you do this, the less preoccupied you’ll feel about any particular guy – even if he’s a real catch. You’ll be really embracing your own feminine power – and that is what is utterly intoxicating for a man. You’ll be irresistible to him!
And even better, you won’t have to work so darn hard to keep him interested – he just will be naturally!
Your “vibe” will change dramatically, from the inside out. A man will sense that he has to work hard to be with you (and men love to work hard for a woman).
I call this a woman with a “High Degree of Difficulty.” A woman with a High Degree of Difficulty doesn’t need a man. You like a man, but you don’t need him. And you won’t chase him, either.
If he’s interested, he’s going to have to call you. Because you don’t need to make him important. You’ll be as far from “needy” as a woman can get, and confidence will just radiate out of you.
It doesn’t take much to make sure he’s not that important to you – because we’re all born with this natural, magnetic power over men. Most of us just lost it somewhere along the way. We think it’s a good idea to “chase” a man from the very moment he shows interest in us. We think it’s a good idea to woo a man with our bodies, with our intelligence, or with our spirituality.
The problem is, that no man will fall for a woman just because she’s got a sharp mind and a beautiful body. A man will fall for you because of the emotions you stir up in him. Because of the way you capture his imagination with your mysterious, feminine allure.
What qualities do some “other” women have that make men go nutty chasing after them? Is it their looks? (Not always) Their personalities? (Not really) Everything they have going for them? (You and I both know that’s not always the case!) What these other women have is a kind of special feminine allure and mystery that drives men nuts with desire and affection for them.
If you really practice making yourself number one priority in your life, you will quickly notice a shift with the men in your life. It’ll be so much easier for you, and so much more enjoyable for them!
I have so many other tools to share with you too, that will help you genuinely prioritize yourself and never have to worry again about keeping a guy interested!
In my FREE Feminine Energy Newsletter, I share countless tips, tools and practices so you can make sure you’re not making any man too important before you have real commitment from him.
He’ll be enamored by your magnetic, feminine allure and he’ll see you as the prize that you are. I’ll teach you all this when you sign up for my free newsletter. Plus, you’ll learn:
I know what it’s like to be chasing after that initial spark of romance, over and over, only to have the guy end up even farther away. It’s devastating and heartbreaking.
I got out of that horrible cycle for good, and I’ve helped so many other women do the same! Simply subscribe to my free Feminine Energy newsletter, and let me help you find true and lasting love with a great man!