By Rori Raye
Have you ever felt like everything would be “okay” in your relationship if you could just really “get” his attention – but you find yourself struggling with what to do and how to behave?
Or you’ve felt like if you could just make sure the guy you’re dating and you are 100% on the same page, you wouldn’t ever worry again about how to keep him interested?
Whether it’s to run to meet him when he comes home or just say, “Hi,” and “How’s your day?” Whether to ignore him or invite him out? Call him or forget about him? Turn to him in bed and try to get something started again, or stay up sleepless?
Where you start to feel like nothing you do is ever going to get you what you want, whether it’s a new man you’ve just seen or the man you’re with right now who’s been taking you for granted?
And it feels like it’s just always going to be the same, and it’s just too much hard work to keep a guy interested?
When I was “between” men, and I either had my eye on a man, or there was no man in sight, I felt such a sense of competition with other women that it made me feel sick to my stomach.
I always felt so “on edge,” like I was always in a kind of “store window display” if a man showed up. Like I had to preen and be cute and clever to get his interest.
And if there were lots of men, it was like being in a candy store with closed counters. I felt like I had to “go get” the men. Almost hunt them down – knock on the closed glass cases they were behind – in order to try to make contact.
I hated it. I hated the results, too.
I often worked so hard at it, and I rarely successfully went home with a man (let alone a great man), or got a date with a man – sometimes even a short-term relationship.
Until I met my now-husband – and I was in a mental place I’d never been before – I’d stopped working so hard.
My husband approached ME, and he wasn’t a loser. Instead of jumping at the opportunity, or falling into my pit of anger and despair from all my past “relationships” that never worked out, I just leaned back and let him run the show and row the boat.
And he never once let me down. Until we were married.
Then, a new kind of need and desperation got a hold of me. After a year and a half of marriage, he pulled away. And there I was, stuck. It wasn’t like another one of those Imaginary Relationships where he’d walk away after 2 months. We were married. He was a good man, and he wasn’t going anywhere.
And yet, all I could see ahead of me was this empty, cold, angry life – not at all the romantic dream I’d expected when I married him.
And that’s when I put two and two together.
If you don’t feel good about yourself, you’ll almost automatically be attracted to and attract a man who doesn’t feel good about himself, either - and so he will be incapable of loving YOU.
No matter how much you do or how sweet and sexy you are, and how many things you do and say the “right way,” you will never change your relationship or dating life until you start to change the way you feel about yourself.
And it’s actually easy and fast, too.
In that awful time when my marriage went downhill, my husband was actually the same man he’d always been. It was me who’d changed. And I hadn’t changed for the better.
Instead of the happy, busy, leaned-back girl he’d met and courted, I was now focused entirely on him.
He was the only man around. So I’d gone back to working hard, rowing the household and the relationship boat, and worst of all – feeling sad, lost, angry and anxious, and making him wrong every chance I got.
Not only couldn’t I get his attention in a romantic way, I couldn’t get his attention in any way. All his attention came through talking about work and watching television or playing with the cats and our baby.
I was making so many mistakes, it’s hard to cover them all here, so I’ll focus on one major mistake that’s easy to turn around, like I did, and you can too!
The Mistake is: Focusing On What You Don’t Have Instead Of What You Don’t Want
When you first read this, it may seem hard to tell the difference, but the difference is actually huge.
This feeling I had of not being touched, or loved, or appreciated, or cared for just filled my body.
Whenever my husband passed by me in the kitchen, or to turn on the TV or the fan or the light, I could feel this pain in my whole body.
Sound familiar? I was aching. Longing. Like a heroine in an old romance. Like I’d been kept away in a dungeon or a tower, and no one could reach me.
And he couldn’t, or wouldn’t reach across the foot of space between us to connect with me. And so everything I thought and everything I did was around that one feeling.
I somehow got stuck, almost like a broken record, on the wish that if he’d reach out to me, just once, the evil spell would be broken and I’d come alive again.
I’d be able to breathe again. To relax. To feel something besides longing. And the more I felt this aching longing, the more I tried to reach out to him.
And the more he rejected me. He wasn’t in the mood for anything remotely romantic. And the more this happened, the angrier I got. And the angrier I got, the more feelings filled my body that I couldn’t do anything with.
Oh, I could complain to my friends, I could go to a therapist, I could stamp and scream in my car and pound pillows to get the feelings out, but I couldn’t translate them into anything that worked with my husband.
And all of this started because I believed, at the very beginning, that he was deliberately not giving me what I wanted and needed.
The moment I switched that whole thought in my brain, everything changed. And you can do it, too.
So, wherever you find yourself in this cycle of focusing on what you don’t have, switch that thought.
Stop thinking of him as the Fountain Of Love that you have to “go to” to get your bowl filled. Switch to the thought that you Don’t Want him to be your Fountain Of Love and you Don’t Want to go over to him to get your bowl filled.
Fountains don’t water other things and people - fountains water themselves. So, instead, picture yourself as your own Fountain Of Love, flowing water all over yourself, loving yourself, caring for yourself.
This will help you with that aching feeling of not getting what you want from your man. And it will do something else - your man will notice that you’re no longer looking to him to fill a void for love.
And he’ll come over to SHARE love WITH you. He’ll start hanging around to share love with your Fountain.
And here’s the last step in this "Thought Switch": Switch to the thought that you don’t want a man who just wants to drink out of your Fountain of Love.
So, to even get near you, he’ll have to turn himself into the Watering Can Of Love, and keep your fountain filled to overflowing!
How’s that for a picture? I know it’s a leap - to go from him doing absolutely nothing to doing absolutely everything, but that’s how it works.
You have to be very aware, all the time, of where your thoughts are about and with him, and keep switching to this Fountain and Watering Can image.
Great men LOVE to give, so it will come naturally to your partner, the guy you’re dating or even the great men you pass by on the street. They will FEEL you being your own fountain of love, and they will be magnetically drawn to give EVEN MORE to it. To you.
The surprise is how great you’ll feel - not just about him - but about yourself. The Fountain image gives your self-esteem a boost. And as your self-esteem goes up, your confidence goes up.
And your confidence will get his attention - without your having to do anything!
The thrill of really connecting with a man - and so quickly you’ll be amazed - is priceless. It’s what I want for you!
It’s our natural way of being as women - we’ve just ‘forgotten’ how to be this way, in our busy world.
As you practice being your own Fountain, it will become easier and easier, and before you know it, you’ll forget how you ever struggled so much before!
Keeping a guy interested isn’t nearly as hard as we have been taught. Once you put this into practice, YOU’LL be the one deciding which men can stay or go (if you’re dating)… or if you’re married, you’ll find that deep sense of security and confidence you had like on the day he proposed to you.
I’ve got so many more tips, ‘secrets’ and practices on how to focus on YOU instead of him in my FREE Feminine Energy Newsletter.
In my Newsletter, I share many other tools and practices that help you stay connected to your feminine energy, confidence and really be that Fountain Of Love.
You’ll be so naturally mesmerizing that your man won’t ever consider straying – it’ll be effortless to keep him interested!
You’re also going to learn:
Making the switch from love-depletion – where you’re seeking out all your love from a man (or men) – to being your own Love Fountain can take no time at all.
It’s a simple switch, and I KNOW you can do it because I did! It felt IMPOSSIBLE – until it didn’t.
Let me know how it goes for you!