By Rori Raye
So often we women get way too involved in trying to figure out what a man thinks or feels about us. We want more closeness and connection with him, and we think we can get it by focusing more and more of our attention on him. But this can work against you and actually get in the way of the love you’re looking for…
The more you over-analyze a man and your relationship with him, the more anxious you will feel. You start to hang all your hopes and dreams on this one man, maybe even before you know all that much about him. Gradually, all the things that were important to you – your friends and your passions outside of him – start to fall by the wayside.
And when these things go, so does your sense of self. Think about it – if he becomes the center of your world, it means that YOU’RE no longer the center. As you realize this, you start to fear that you might lose him. So you hold on tighter and analyze him more, looking for clues that will reassure you that you’re not pushing him away. But often, that’s exactly what happens.
When a man senses that you’re so invested in him and how he feels about you, he becomes turned off. He was attracted to you in the first place because you had a life outside of him. He loved the fact that you made yourself responsible for your own happiness. But once he feels that you’re looking to him to make you happy, he feels overwhelmed. That’s when a man usually withdraws. He can’t take the pressure of possibly letting you down, and he loses his feelings of attraction.
If you sit around worrying that he’s acting distant or spend your days analyzing him, you almost completely close yourself off to the possibility of a connection with him because you’re focused on him in the wrong way. You’re creating insecurity and desperation – by putting your focus on what HE thinks and feels. Where the only important thing that matters is HOW WE FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES IN HIS PRESENCE.
It’s not whether or not he likes us, it’s whether or not we like ourselves when we’re with him. If you feel really great about yourself when you’re with him – if you feel attractive, fantastic, smart, and happy – that’s when true connection happens. There’s no need to analyze anything. On the other hand, if you’re feeling insecure and inclined to obsess about a man, that’s a sign he may not be right for you. It really doesn’t matter what he thinks!
And, here’s what’s really important – a man can only feel as comfortable with you as you feel with yourself.
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