By Rori Raye
If you feel like you’re always giving and giving, and yet men are constantly disappointing you by not giving you what YOU need - I can help.
You want to learn how to have a healthy relationship, and certainly it doesn’t feel healthy if all you do is give give give and never truly feel cared for or loved.
So what’s the secret, then? How do we have a more balanced, more loving, more fulfilling relationship?
Well, it starts with giving a whole lot less. Here’s what I mean:
I grew up like all of us, believing “It’s better to give than to receive.” And it IS wonderful to give.
After all, if we all stand around only waiting for someone to give US something, or spend our lives trying to GET someone to give to us, we’ll spend our lives in misery - feeling powerless and dissatisfied.
And yet, if we spend our lives only GIVING, we never allow anyone else to give to US. We go around with our needs unfulfilled, constantly depleted because of how much we continue to give; never feeling truly loved and cared for.
When we constantly GIVE and never receive, we feel so empty inside because we’re always giving out and never taking in. We can’t HELP but feel angry, resentful, taken advantage of, and unhappy.
So, obviously the way to do it is to do BOTH - to give AND receive.
Except - and here’s where we’ve all been taught wrong - because we believe it’s BETTER to give than to receive, and because so many of us never got any real EXPERIENCE receiving and being APPLAUDED for it, we never learned HOW.
We grew up pushing away a man’s gifts, his compliments and his love (unless it’s an official occasion - like a birthday - when it’s officially okay to get something without giving something, too), and often we push him away without even NOTICING that we’re doing it.
So, we instinctively got trained to push away love that a man gives - love we can’t control, can’t ask for, can’t know what it will look like beforehand, can’t measure - and instead try to get our needs met by giving.
We got trained to “keep score,” and to decide, after we’ve given a certain amount, that we should “get” in return because we’ve built up enough credits.
But it doesn’t work that way. Everyone wants to give. And a good man ESPECIALLY wants to give to YOU.
And so few of us women have ever learned how to receive. The most incredibly frustrating thing is that it’s us women who’ve been trained to do all the giving - to nurture, to take care of, to anticipate, to actively love and appreciate.
And because we’ve been practicing giving for so long with men, men have been trained to receive. And this is the exact OPPOSITE of how it’s supposed to work. It’s the exact opposite of how MEN WANT it to be.
So, let’s start with my basic concept of masculine and feminine energy.
Let’s ignore the idea of masculine being about men and feminine being about women, and say that we EACH are a mixture of masculine and feminine energy. So we need a new definition.
You’ll learn how this works completely in my eBook Have The Relationship You Want - so be sure to download it and work with it tonight if you don’t already have it - it will explain SO MUCH about why you may not be getting your needs met.
For now, though, let’s be very simple and say that masculine energy is about doing, giving, thinking, moving forward, and that feminine energy is about being, receiving, feeling, and leaning back.
Let’s call masculine energy “boy” energy, and feminine energy “girl” energy.
So, if Boy energy is about giving, and Girl energy is about receiving… and you feel like you’re always GIVING to a man, and hardly ever RECEIVING anything from him (not just gifts and back rubs, but attention, affection, sex, phone calls, date-making) that you don’t always have to ASK for, then you’re stuck being the Boy in your relationship - and - this is EASY…we can FIX this!
The First step is to reverse our OWN thinking about giving and receiving. And let’s reverse our ASSUMPTIONS about what men are like at the same time.
Instead of thinking that giving is BETTER than receiving, let’s think of giving and receiving as “two sides of the same coin” that are EQUAL in importance. In fact, let’s say that we CAN’T really give TO a man unless we’re also able to receive FROM him.
So, if we want our giving to mean anything - if we want our giving to be pure, real and not about “giving to get” - we have to be able to receive what our man gives to US.
Most of us are still stuck in the “if only I could give BETTER” place. Where if we could just figure out what it is he needs and figure out a way to GIVE it to him, we’ll earn his undying love.
But it’s really just the opposite. What a man really wants is to feel GOOD. And the way a man feels good is to know that you love him, respect him, and accept him - exactly as he IS.
And when we RECEIVE from him, we send him the message he wants, which is, “I love your gifts, I respect you, I trust you, and I accept you exactly as you are - I TAKE your gift because I love, respect, trust and accept you.”
Now, if we’re going to be about “receiving” - at least as much as we are about giving - how do we know how much to give without keeping score? How do we know when to send a card, or invite him to a home-cooked dinner, or call him? How do we know when to spring into action?
This is where books like “The Rules” get a lot of attention - there are rules for when to call, when to kiss, when to have sex…and that SEEMS like it would make it easier, but it actually makes everything WAY HARDER.
So here’s a much easier way:
Until you know where a relationship is really at - that it’s real, that marriage is on the table, that you feel confident, secure, committed, that you feel happy in it and relaxed - don’t do ANYTHING that feels or looks like “Boy” energy as far as he’s concerned.
Let a man be the boy energy in your relationship.
“Girl” energy radiates love, warmth, peace, sensuality, fun - all the great stuff you want to GIVE to him.
So, if you’re just being in Girl energy all the time with him, you’ll be RADIATING and GIVING all the time. You’ll be open, emotionally available when he’s around, warm and loving - all states of BEING that don’t necessarily mean you have to DO anything about them.
You just ARE.
And when he’s around you like that, he gets the message 24/7 that you love him, respect him, and accept him - just as he is.
He’ll feel inspired to give to you without feeling afraid that you’ll REJECT him. He’ll give to you, and then what will automatically happen is you’ll RADIATE even more out of your heart - you’ll thank him with your smile and appreciation.
And this is PLENTY giving to a man!
Where we all got steered wrong is in the DEFINITION of giving. The trick of giving to a man is in giving him what makes him feel good to receive - not what makes us feel good to give. And…
The best gift you can give a man is to feel happy.
To let him make you happy.
This is how to have a healthy relationship with a man!
I have been using your tools, and I am a new woman. I have men falling all over me - wonderful, available men.
I have had some major financial and career issues for the last few years, due to a serious fall. I felt so ashamed about not being as financially stable as I was, and I know it radiated from me.
I decided to use your tools, while I worked on getting myself together again. Men think I am confident, beautiful, smart, etc. BECAUSE I AM!!!!!!! I know one of these guys will step up to the plate, and there are several possibilities until then, I am a GODDESS!!!!!!
Thank you so much!!
If Kate can have such a total turnaround, starting from such a painful and difficult place, I know you can, too!
I spent many, many years of my life suffering endlessly and needlessly over the same kind of man - and sometimes the SAME man - and when I finally figured out what was going so wrong and was able to turn things around for myself, I realized I could help other women by sharing exactly what I did to change my life.
You can turn things around TODAY, simply by practicing being in your Girl energy more, when you’re with any man.
Whether you’re in a committed relationship, or you’re dating many men, leaning back into your Girl energy will have men clamoring over you like you’ve never known before - you will feel like the Goddess that you’ve always meant to be!
Along with practicing this simple technique, I’ve got countless other tools, tips and insights that help you have the relationship of your dreams. In my FREE Feminine Energy Newsletter, I share other healthy relationship secrets such as…
It’s the worst to go from man to man, relationship to relationship, continually feeling depleted, drained and at a total loss of how to have a healthy relationship. Some women eventually give up and resign themselves to being lonely and alone forever because they never learn these simple and highly effective practices.
I know that’s not you though - you want love with a man, and you can have it!
It all starts with leaning back into your Girl energy, and letting him treat you like the prize you are!