By Rori Raye
When I married my husband over twenty years ago, I thought the heart–wrenching days of dating angst were over. I thought I’d never again have to worry about my man becoming distant from me or withdrawing. And yet the unthinkable happened: our initial wedded bliss gave way to disconnection to the point I felt like I was living with a stranger.
I tried everything to save my marriage, including trying to talk to my husband over and over about it. I was exhausted from trying to change him until I made an important, life–changing discovery: the only way to change him and save my marriage was to change me.
I realized that I had lost track of myself and my own happiness, and this resulted in my husband doing the same. Once I started to make small changes in myself and putting the focus on the most important person – me – I was able to save my marriage and create a stronger, more connected union than ever. If I was able to do it, you can save your marriage, too. Here’s how.
That’s right. As I mentioned above, putting yourself first is the key to inspiring a man to put you first. If you don’t feel good about yourself and have high self–esteem, you won’t have what I call a “high degree of difficulty.”
That’s when a man perceives that you honor and respect yourself, and you know what you will or will not tolerate.
Of course, it’s impossible to do this when you are using so much of your time and energy to please your man and give him what you think he wants. Which leads me to the next step that saved my marriage and can save your marriage.
And here’s the amazing thing: what makes a good man happy is to make US happy!
One of the simplest ways to do this within marriage is to “date yourself.” That means that you do for yourself what would please you. If you’d like your husband to take you to dinner, tell him you’re taking yourself out to a spa lunch. If you wish he bought you more presents, treat yourself to something you really want. It doesn’t have to be expensive, it just has to make you happy.
This could mean taking an hour every day for yourself to do yoga. Once he sees that you’re not setting aside your wishes for him, he’ll remember the wonderful woman he fell in love with and what made her unique. A change of vibe like this in you can actually re–light a man’s passion and help save your marriage.
It’s worth repeating: good men like to make their women happy. Period. They like to give presents, they like to take you out, they like to be faithful to you, and they like the way it feels when you feel good about yourself when you’re with them.
They like the way it feels when you let them know you feel good. It makes them feel like men, and it makes them happy. So if you want to save your marriage, stop exhausting yourself trying to change him and instead focus on making yourself happy first.
If you expect that he will do his best to make you happy without demands but by just letting him know when he DOES make you happy, you’ll be on your way to more love than you ever imagined.
Learn more about what it takes to Have the Relationship You Want. Download my Have The Relationship You Want eBook and try it risk-free for 7 days.