By Rori Raye
Are there times when you feel like there’s a “shadow” hanging over your relationship?
Like the trust you once had - or thought you had - has long gone? How do you fix trust issues in a relationship?
It’s a feeling that I personally remember very well…
It was like there was a cloud of uncertainty and doubt taking up that special place in my life where there should have been hope, beauty and light. It was a shadow of worry that I often just couldn’t put my finger on, or figure out a reason for.
It was a feeling like something wasn’t quite right… that there’s something “going on” with my man and my relationship, but I couldn’t put into words exactly what it was.
All I knew was this:
These feelings left me constantly wondering, worrying - even OBSESSING - about what was going on in my man’s mind and what was happening between us.
Sometimes I felt this way for what seemed like no reason at all.
Other times, I got lost in the shadows of worry for reasons that seem innocent enough on the surface…
I wondered why he seemed to be becoming such a “workaholic,” leaving for work early and coming home late. It made me think he was away so much because he just didn’t care as much about me and our relationship anymore.
Other times, it would seem like the man I was with suddenly started acting “flaky.” He would show up late, or forget that we had plans.
How could a man who loved me act that way?
There were also times that a man would become distant or colder. He wouldn’t take the same interest in me and what was important to me. He became harder to talk to. When he said he loved me, I would hear it, but not FEEL it. Sometimes he forgot to say “I love you” altogether.
Every time one of these things happened, I had to work harder and harder to convince myself that I was just being “paranoid,” that my mind was playing tricks on me.
That’s when the single most destructive thing that can happen to any relationship started happening to me…
And what did I do next?
You guessed it…
I started studying every little thing he did to find a clue about why he was acting this way.
When he was gone, I couldn’t stop wondering where he was. I began analyzing the “meaning” behind every little thing he said to me (or didn’t say). I became an emotional “detective,” putting my magnifying glass to his patterns and habits and trying to find meaning in them.
All of this began to take a terrible toll on me.
All of the stress, uncertainty, fear, and worry made me feel sad and lonely, even depressed. And that’s when things would REALLY start getting bad.
Sometimes I would turn all of these feelings inward and my man never even knew about it.
Or worse, I’d start accusing him of making me feel bad and demanding answers to questions he didn’t even understand. That would only cause him to just pull away further. Or offer insincere sympathy. Or maybe even suggest that I go “get some help.”
Naturally, this only deepens ANY woman’s feelings of emotional isolation and distance from a man. And the cycle just keeps going, getting worse and more painful with every passing day, casting deeper shadows over how we feel about ourselves, our relationships, and our hopes for happiness.
That in mind, here’s the message I want to share with you today:
If YOU find yourself feeling lost in the shadows of not trusting in your man or your relationship, I want to shine a light on the REAL truth about this situation - and show you what to do right NOW to start turning things around and feeling better.
Wonderful, let’s go…
No matter what’s happening with your man to make the shadows of mistrust creep into your relationship, these feelings leave you feeling so uncertain and insecure about where you stand in love that, most of the time, you can’t “see the forest for the trees.”
As we said, it could be his work hours… his flakiness… his emotional distance.
WHATEVER it is, there’s a simple truth that I want you to take into your heart about your situation right now:
Most of the time, our feelings of losing trust in a relationship are more about US than they are about our man.
Of course, I know from painful, personal experience that there are also some very real, astonishingly awful reasons to start distrusting a man…
When he’s actually been unfaithful, or he’s acting in an abusive way toward us, we have an urgent, clear-cut reason to STOP trusting in him and our relationship.
In these cases, the Tools that I want to share with you today for reclaiming your feelings of trust and security in love are totally beside the point. When a man is unfaithful or mistreats us emotionally or physically, our choices become obvious and simple:
We MUST leave the situation. It’s critical that we stop wasting emotional energy and precious time (or, in some cases, even remove ourselves from danger), and start focusing on how to find our real "Mr. Right" - the man who will truly devote himself to us, fulfill us, and cherish us like we deserve.
But again… this is not the situation that I want to talk with you about today.
Today, I want to take your hand and guide you through the experience that’s MUCH more common (and, in some ways, more difficult to handle) when it comes to our feelings of doubt and uncertainty in a relationship…
Today, I want to share three ways to leave behind the feelings of mistrust that occasionally cast a shadow over EVERY relationship because they’re REALLY about:
If any of this sounds like what you’re going through, here’s what I want to share with you:
When distrust begins to take root and cast a shadow over our relationship but we just can’t put our finger on why, the first thing we need to keep in mind is this:
There’s a limit on what you can say and do with a man to make him help YOU feel better.
When you go to your man for reassurance that everything’s okay, what you’re really doing is asking him to fix you, and this NEVER works.
Regaining trust in love requires one thing above all else: that YOU learn how to function as a whole, secure, confident woman… the kind that he can’t help but feel irresistibly drawn towards.
But here’s the hard part:
This is something that is entirely up to you - ONLY you alone can do it.
No matter how much of a workaholic he is… how flaky he is… how much he’s becoming so wrapped up in his own stuff that now he seems distant to you, it’s up to YOU to learn how to handle the feelings these situations create in you.
It’s something that a man just can’t do for you. And trying to get him to do it will only increase his distance from you and deepen your feelings of mistrust in HIM.
That in mind, let’s get started. Here they are… three things to do the next time feelings of distrust begin to creep up on you…
When you feel yourself spiraling down with thinking about him, worrying about him, and second-guessing everything he does, the first thing you need to do is to “catch yourself.”
When you feel yourself getting lost in the shadows of pain and desperation these feelings create, the first step is giving yourself some emergency “first aid” by taking yourself away from the Nasty inner Voice that’s doing it all it can to mislead and hurt you.
Catching yourself is putting out a fire before it can spread. It’s about cutting off the bad energy of icky feelings before they can take root and grow.
When those awful feelings of mistrust begin to cast their shadow again, the first thing you need to do is to take your brain to a different place.
It can be as simple as moving yourself physically to another area. It can be putting your hand on a comforting, familiar object. It can be looking at a picture that whisks you away to another time and place.
Look at a color that reminds you of warmth and security. Draw a picture of a scene that makes you feel your light inside. You can even go to the closet and look at a dress that makes you feel good when you put it on. Feel the sensation of soft, comforting fabric against your skin.
There are as many ways to catch yourself when you start spiraling as there are small joys and comforts in your life, so take a moment now to identify a few of them. Know how to get to them fast when you need to break the downward spiral.
Once you’ve cut off the energy from these destructive, judgment-clouding negative feelings, it’s time to…
There’s just no way around it - the most powerful way to feel more secure and comfortable inside your relationship is learning how to feel more secure and trusting of YOURSELF.
A relationship can only flourish in trust, naturally and effortlessly, when you love yourself enough to believe you’re worthy of a man’s commitment and devotion.
If you DON’T believe it, what else can you do but become suspicious of his late night out, get angry at his forgetting that special occasion, or feel resentful of his moments of “me” time that leave you feeling locked out and isolated?
Once you learn how to have love, trust and compassion for yourself, you’ll always treat yourself with the same trust and kindness that you expect from him - no deserving or “earning it” required.
The good news is: It’s MUCH easier than you think to start feeling strong, worthy, and confident in love, and to stop feeling like you’re not good enough to deserve it.
If you’d like to explore some incredibly simple ways to develop a new, better relationship with YOURSELF so that you can stop doubting whether you’re worthy of a secure, trusting relationship with HIM, I’ve created a proven “plan” to help you do it.
This plan goes very deep, and I really want to make sure I’m not leaving anything out. So here’s what I recommend.
This plan is actually part of my Heart Connection Toolkit, and it couldn’t be more important when it comes to learning to love yourself again and escape the shadows of mistrust in your relationship.
This plan shows you how to stop feeling like you’re not worthy of devotion from a man, and how to eliminate ALL of the negative thought patterns that are constantly sabotaging your success in love.
In the meantime, remember that loving YOURSELF is the most powerful way to invite a man to love you. But, until you truly learn how to do it, the best way to handle your “right now” feelings of uncertainty and doubt is learning how to:
When you’re feeling overcome by feelings of insecurity and mistrust, it’s so important to catch yourself, take steps to turn off those feelings, and replace them with feelings of loving and trusting yourself.
But what can you do to bridge the actual space that’s developed between you and your man in the meantime?
Believe it or not, telling him straight out what you’re feeling can be the best thing you can do… as long as you do it in EXACTLY THE RIGHT WAY.
You need to bring your feelings to your man in a way that comes across as free of accusation, tension and agenda.
Do NOT hit him with a laundry list of things he’s doing wrong. Do not make him a villain. All of this does nothing but make him instantly feel defensive, which only pushes things in the wrong direction and creates greater distance.
In my ebook, I share a very important part of my “Rori Raye Mantra” called "Choosing Your Words." It means saying only what you feel in your own body at any given moment while NEVER referring to your man or his actions. It’s all about expressing what YOU are feeling and experiencing, and nothing more.
Instead of asking him, "You’re working late again? What are you doing all day, flirting with your assistant?"… Tell him, “I’m really missing you with all of the long hours you’re putting in. It’s really making me feel sad and even a little insecure.”
By not accusing him or making him defensive, you’re allowing him to hear you and giving him a chance to respond openly and honestly.
Of course, if saying these things from the place of your own feelings still sends your man into “defensive mode” or sends him running out the door, so be it - you need to know that he isn’t capable of hearing and attending to you.
Plus, as a huge bonus, saying how you feel is a tremendous act of confidence in itself and goes a VERY long way toward helping you love, trust, and believe in YOURSELF again.
Everything I’ve shared with you today is about helping you understand that you really can escape the shadows of uncertainty in your relationship and start loving in a whole new way, all in the bright light of day.
When feelings of mistrust and doubt about love wash over you, remember to use these Tools as a life preserver to grab and hang onto. They really will help you walk your man into Happily Ever After (or else show you that it’s time for you to find a better man instead).
Either way, you win because once you know how to make a good man cherish you; you can leave behind mistrust forever.
If you’re suffering from distrust or insecurity in your relationship to the point of anxiety and depression, I don’t want you to wait another day, hour, or even another minute to do something about it.
I want to make sure that you never again feel “duped” by a man who plays games, creates doubts in your heart, strings you along, or may not want the same things you do.
If you feel like you can’t trust your man right now, start practicing what I’ve outlined above and see how things change. (Or if they don’t, open yourself to a man who’s ready for you!)
Along with what I’ve shared here today, I have many other Tools, resources & practices I want to share with you to help you leave your fears and worry behind so you can FEEL, LIVE, AND LOVE BETTER.
In my FREE Feminine Energy Newsletter, I share more Tools… and success stories from myself and countless other women who have figured it out - and who’ve found “Mr. Right.”
These stories help remind you that what you’re going through isn’t so unique to you - and that there are so many like you that have figured it out!
I’ve got so many more tips, ‘secrets’ and practices on how to focus on YOU instead of him in my FREE Feminine Energy Newsletter.
When you sign up, you’ll also learn…
Trust issues in a relationship don’t need to be a death sentence to the relationship. You CAN turn it around, and you can do it QUICKLY. I promise - it’s simpler than you think!
I can’t wait for you to be the next success story I share, with a woman who’s searching for support, just like you are right now!