By Rori Raye
Do you look at your man and wonder where your romantic partner went?
He used to be absolutely crazy about you. He said he’d never “felt this way” about anyone else. He said he wanted to make you happy for the rest of his life.
Do you remember how good it felt to hear those words?
In those moments, you could never imagine that your man would grow distant, ignore you, and put other things in his life before you - his work, friends, travel... Maybe he’s even being flirty with other women and of course that REALLY doesn’t sit well with you.
You could never imagine that the affection would dwindle or completely stop, and that you’d be unsure about how your man felt about you. And now you’re scrambling to find ways to save your marriage before it’s too late.
In this message, I want to help you turn things around in three steps - so that the man you fell in love with falls for you all over again.
You CAN save your marriage - and it all starts here:
Do you remember how safe and secure you felt because your man was always DOING things to show you how much you meant to him?
It’s a simple fact - we women feel good when our men let us know that they never want to be without us. Security is something we yearn for. And it’s something men are born to DO for us.
Yes, men live for and delight in making us happy and taking care of us.
With so many of the women I’ve worked with, this is one of the MOST COMMON reasons a marriage or relationship starts failing.
It’s not anything to feel ashamed of... we all have been taught wrong about how to BE in a relationship with a man. You probably think you’ve got to pull your weight or make sure everything is ‘fair,’ or something like that… so you DO a lot for him. For the relationship.
At first it might not be a big deal… but over time, this can totally degrade the passion, romance and sexual chemistry in your relationship.
You’ve basically become a ‘man’ in the relationship too. And of course, that’s not going to be attractive to him because he wanted the woman you were when you two first met.
Even if you make more money than he does and you don’t need anyone to “take care” of you, your man will still want to feel that he provides security for you.
And the way a man does this is by DOING things for you. He doesn’t have to do things in the traditional sense of the word “security” - such as providing shelter. Instead, he provides security by pursuing you, being romantic with you, and doing things to show you how much he cares.
If your man is no longer doing these things, the answer is NOT to do them for him or to try to talk him into doing them.
Because make no mistake, a man wants it to be HIS IDEA. That’s why step number two is so important.
You can’t talk a man into a commitment. A man wants it to be his idea and his choice. He doesn’t want you to “sell” him on the benefits of a relationship with you. Just as if he were buying a new car, he wants to feel that HE chose the car - not that a salesperson pushed it on him.
The same thing goes for anything you want a man to do. He will NOT want to be romantic with you, help out more around the house, or be more affectionate if you coax him.
Now, I’m not saying that you have no voice and no say. It’s just the opposite. YOU have complete power to not accept any behavior you don’t want in a man. You have the right to walk away.
You also have the ability to express your feelings in a way that defines your boundaries and inspires him to step up to the plate. It’s all a matter of HOW you do it.
This is where practicing your FEELING words comes into play.
If he’s used to you talking to him about what you want, but he doesn’t FEEL your heart and vulnerability in what you say, it will just come off to him as nagging and he will want to run away.
Again, don’t beat yourself up if this has been happening - we just didn’t all learn the right way to communicate as women.
After you’ve STOPPED doing for him… if there’s something you really want with him, practice it like this…
“Honey, I am feeling very disconnected in our relationship. I miss feeling close and having fun with you.”
And leave it there. Let him have his response and reaction.
Depending on how long the marriage has been going down hill, you might need to have some patience during this process.
But I’m also guessing if you come to him in this way, it will catch him off guard - in the best way.
In this kind of statement, you’re being honest and vulnerable about how YOU feel. AND you’re NOT making him WRONG or accusing him of anything.
After you’ve expressed anything you need, and let it be…
This step is where a lot of women make an innocent mistake. I know, because I did it, too.
There was a time in my marriage when things were difficult with my husband, and then he would “step up” and give me what I wanted - whether it was more attention, more communication, or more affection.
And what would I do? I’d give him the cold shoulder. I thought to myself, “How dare he think he can just waltz over and be all loving with me when he has been ignoring me.”
Then instead of enjoying what he was offering me, I’d be cold. I’d snap at him or withhold affection. And what would happen? My husband would become even MORE distant.
I bet you’ve done this too… we all have!
But then I learned that “melting” was the answer - that I could process my feelings differently and be open and receptive to him.
Of course, if he’s actually doing things to irreversibly damage the union you two have such as cheating, being abusive or anything else then you wouldn’t want to ‘melt’ - and I would advise to walk away and find a better man.
‘Melting’ had a magical effect - when I kept being receptive, my husband really did turn into the partner I wanted, until he was just giving and giving to me and I had no reason to feel cold toward him.
The way to ‘melt’ is you’ve got to process and take responsibility for your emotions yourself - by and large. This means when he does something that upsets you, you don’t ‘punish’ him by being cold yourself... But you go be with yourself, FEEL your upset, and then come back and if you need to express anything, say it in the way I mention in Step 2.
When you process your own emotions in this self-responsible way, it’s MUCH easier to ‘melt’ in his presence when he starts coming around again.
Recapturing the magic in your relationship isn’t difficult. It only FEELS that way because we women work too hard at it. We work hard not realizing that the more effort you put in, the LESS we get out.
The trick is to turn romance into your man’s job. Give him BACK the job he signed up to do. It’s still there in him; he just needs to be inspired to show you his love again.
If you want to dive deeper into these skills, and make the bond in your marriage the kind that everyone else envies… I invite you to sign up for my FREE Feminine Energy Newsletter.
Not only do I share these crucial tips on how to save your marriage or relationship… but I also share other practices that help deepen your connection, passion and romance such as:
Because watching your marriage fall apart for no real reason is one of the worst feelings in the whole world. Let me help support you in not only saving your marriage, but creating one with deep & ever-lasting love!